Sarad ki kahani, ek nadaan ki zubaani!

A successful IPL season and it was Rajasthan Royals(RR) all way along. Frankly, I underestimated RR big time. A big Kolkata Knight Riders fan it's been disappointing to see they couldn't even make it to the semi-finals. The IPL is over, RR wins the inaugaural IPL. Life's getting boring, so what next? Let's step one step backward and figure out how it all started. My version of the IPL prelude.

Its called "Sarad ki kahani, ek nadaan ki zubaani!"

Sarad Paar: A top notch politician, chairman of the IPL organising committee. He's the big one and he wants all the moolah!

Nimbupaani: Supposedly, one of the world's richest beings around. 6 family members and 600 servants live together!

Rukruk Khan: He's numero one in the movie circuit. He's got the charm, the 6-packs and K-K-Karan!

Tendlya: He's numero one in the cricket arena. He's got the injury, the advertisements and the nails to bite!

Plus supporting cast - thanks to all!

Sarad is all upset with Sabhish Kandra(Owner of a television channel) because he entered the cricket world and is getting all the money and fame. Sarad decides to earn some black moolah using his idea and sketches out a plan overnight. He decides to call the top people from page 3 circuit after his thought - "Chailaa, maala suru karaaycha hota aani hyaani kelaa! Kaahi tari karaylaa havaa, gheto mi henchi barobar aani kapil chi pan maarto! Mee IPL suru karto"

He needs initial funds to execute the whole idea and calls up the "fund-man" Nimbupaani.

Tring tring...

Sarad: He-lo, kaise...se ho app sirji..hum-hein hein yaad rak-koko

Nimbupaani: Abe Sarad kabhi sudhrega, itnaa paisaa toh lutaa cricket se, muh ka operation nahi karvaaya ab tak, kanjus! Kya hua thik se muh kholke bol

Saarad: Woh chodo sir, paisa daalo, double karke detaa hu. You see double return in just 2 months sir!

Nimbupaani: Huh? Paise daalo double karegaa? Yeda samjhaa hai kya re. Saale, main idhar Chilaince mein baithe ande ubaal raha hoon?

Sarad: Sir, aap puri baat sunlo. IPL cha-alu karenge. Logon ko nangaa karenge, Rukruk Khan ko nachaayenge! Kaun-si te-am chahiy-e bolona??!!

Nimbupaani: Apna Tendlya chahiye mereko, bas team mein woh hua toh kaafi hai! Baaki semi-final aur finals apne ground mein hona chahiye!

Sarad: Thik hai, tikh hain sir, Mum-bai lelo aap

Nimbupaani: Haan, besttt! Anil bhi bahot udd raha hai aaj kal, mast jalegaa saala. 2 mahine mein 30crore ko 600crore maltab ek naya ghar!

Sarad : Ha-an, uss-kaa tu ten-shun mat le! (chailaa hyaala marathi yet naahi, malaa hindi yet naahi)

Nimbupaani: Tu apne muh ka kuch kar re, main jaa raha hu sone!!

Sarad : Haan sir, cheque bhej do aap. Bye.

So Nimbupaani decides to buy the Mumbai Indians, the city with the biggest corporates, big sponsors and ofcourse Tendlya!

Now, Sarad is nervous and calls Tendlya to update the story!

Tring tring...

Tendlya: Ailla..hello kon?

Sarad: Aga Anjali, Tendlya la phone de zaraa

Tendlya: Ailaa...Sarad kaka mi Tendlya-ach boltoy!! Team koni ghetli?

Sarad: nimbupaani ni!

Tendlya: Ailaa..changlaa zhaala..rakkam pakki karun taak tu..faayda zhaalaa pahije aaplaa!

Sarad: Faayda hoyel re..tulaa kaay vaatla!! Fukat naahi baslo mi ithe, tu jaasta kaalji nako karus! Tuzaa naav asnaar team madhe mag tulaa aadhi injure sangoon amhi baaki players na paathvu! Tu aaram kar aani te RMF cha deal madhey maaza percentage...

Tendlya: Ailaa.. ho denaar denaar! Injury mastaa, chaalel-chaalel!

Sarad: Chal aata Rukrukla fone laavto

Tendlya: Thik aahe, thevto aata!

Next up, Sarad Paar decides to call Rukruk Khan.
Tring tring...

Sarad: He-lo

Karan: Hello, you're speaking to Karan Johar in RRK's Mannat and...

Sarad: Abbe gud boy, coffee peelana kam kar aur RRK ko phone de saala apna hostgiri kab band karegaa kya maloom

Karan: *Sob* Aapko acche se baat karne nahi aati kya *sob* .......... RRK its for u!

RRK: Hello ?

Sarad: K-ya re, bhabie gh-ar pe nahi hai k-ya?

RRK: (background music playing - eeeehhhhhhh kantabehen) Kya hua bol sarad?

Sarad: Pai-saa kamaane-ka hai k-yaa ??

RRK: K-k-k-k-kaise???

Sarad: IPL chaalu karegaa .. ba-hot lut-egaa public ko..kya boltai tu?

SRK: Arre waah! Idea mast hai re!! Idhar meri bhi lagi padi hai, yeh Akshay bahot footage khaata hai aaj kal! Aur tune Akshay ko koi bhi function mein bulaya naa-toh yaad rakh. Mein King Khan hoon kuch bhi kar sakta hoon mere films promote hone chahiye aur mujhe naachne bhi milna chahiye udhar

Sarad: Demand bahot karne lag-aa hai tu a-aj kal!!! Thik h-ai..dekh-ta hoon main kya kar saktaaa hu ....kaunsi team legaa? Mukesh ne Mumbai le li hain

RRK: Havrat saala.. kitna kamaayega!! Kolkatta de mujhe, Dada bhi form mein hai aur udhar ka public bhi yedaa hai, sab uthke aatein hai match dekhneko

Sarad: Th-ik ha-i , Kolkatta te-raa..

RRK: Ek kaam kar na, Ugly Zhinta ko bhi pucchh - nahi toh mere pe shak aayega sabko ki despo hai publicity ke liye karke!

Sarad : Abe paagal hai kya, uske paas kya hai, uski toh abhi koi film bhi nahi a-ati! Kaam karta hu, Fajitabh ko fone lagaata hu??!!

RRK: Sharad faaltugiri nahi chahiye haa! Main idhar paise de dekar King Khan bann raha hu aur tu usko mere saath kyo bhid raha hai?? Budda khajayegaa poore stadium ko aur mereko limelight nahi milegaa. Tu Ugly Zhinta ko lagaa, bombay dyeing leke baithi hai woh Nadia Mess ko yedia banaa!

Sarad : Abe Mumbai Dyeing bol, woh Aaj Kurkure aake gaadi fodega tera, aaj kal mar raha hai woh bhi publicity ke liye!

RRK: Sach baat bolu kya re sarad - jab usne Fajitabh ka ghar foda naa, main aur Chori bahut khush hua maloom. Saala kuch bhi bol lekin budde mein baat hai
Sarad : Ha-ha-ha.. *cough* Chal fone laga-ata hu Ugly Zhinta ko ..

RRK : Haan chal bye. K-k-k-karan where did u go?? (background music playing - eeeehhhhhhh kantabehen)

So this way, Nimbupaani buys Mumbai Indians, RRK buys the Kolkatta Knight Riders and Sarad convinces Ugly and Mess into buying Punjab!

It begins and voila! Its a success! Probably success is an understatement! When we think of that one thing that can surely be a bit, its either Bollywood or Cricket. And IPL gave us a perfect blend of the two. People were happy, and so were the team managers, players and our very own Sarad Paar. What it needs to be the IPL champ is not the celebrities, not the corporate houses but a good captain leading from the front and a blend of high-performing players. RR had it all! They deserved it!

Disclaimer : This should be taken lightly with a sense of humour. This is not to hurt anybody's feelings or sentiments. Any similarity of name, events, location is purely co-incidental. The author of this post has fully respect for Sharad Pawar, Subhash Chandra, Kapil Dev, Mukesh Ambani, Anil Ambani, Sachin Tendulkar, Shahrukh Khan, Karan Johar, Amitabh Bacchan, Ranbir Kapoor, Aishwariya Rai, Preity Zinta and Ness Wadia. Raj Thackery too!

P.S Thanks Neetu, Deval, Gauri & Altaf. Anubha - thanks for everything! You da best!